our desire

(on waking up with the deeply contented somewhat anxious tangentially over wrought feeling I had after watching the film ‘Last Vegas’ and thinking that I would just like to see Robert DeNiro Michael Douglas Morgan Freeman and Kevin Klein give each other one full frontal passionate kiss before diving back into an interminable homosocial pursuit of beautiful women)

this large teardrop shape growing in my stomach

throbbing and grey filled with damp light

encased in wet fibrous darkness heavy thickness like the skin of a nut

softer and more impenetrable like rubber balls of loss

sinking teeth into indelible mushrooms sowing lines of tissue into my gut

that I will never get through as if the heart held tender morsels

thickening my veins with the stench of my own desire

I feel like this when I watch you careening through the last lanes

of your life treating women not like trophies

but like trophy stands for you to place all fear upon

to stand there gazing into her wisdom her beauty

because what is left of yours you refuse to recognize

your upswept bangs parting in the middle

like a swirl of butch femme butterscotch decay lovely in its abysmal winsome charm

follicles lie there in that morseled coif of hairy hearts

rich with the dense beauty of cholesterol and ache           

as you listen to her sing and sing she does                       

there is nothing that is not beautiful in this love dirge barely reaching me 

through chasms of my own indecisive wiles                       

will never know what you’re feeling about life and love           

because I ran from it before its teeth sunk into mine                                                            

having recognized the clutch of dearth too early            

having decided as a very small child to forsake familial maturity for                       

a toddlers brand of crib spent pain so here we are                       

diapered on the strip for one last race teardrops growing in our guts

throbbing grey and filled with light encased in damp fibrous heaven

thick and dank like skinned nuts soft impenetrable rubber balls

tossing into loss fulsome dentures sinking

through indelible choral mushrooms we sow and sow and sow and sow

and smile and smile and smile and smile lazy laugh lines of tissue

laced into blood floppy ribs we will never saw through           

when pumped up hearts hold tender morsels           

thickening our veins drenching flapjacks and champagne

in first world angst with the lovely lurid scent            

wafting through well hung arias of tremoring desire