Thursday, March 13, 2014

our desire

(on waking up with the deeply contented somewhat anxious tangentially over wrought feeling I had after watching the film ‘Last Vegas’ and thinking that I would just like to see Robert DeNiro Michael Douglas Morgan Freeman and Kevin Klein give each other one full frontal passionate kiss before diving back into an interminable homosocial pursuit of beautiful women)

this large teardrop shape growing in my stomach
throbbing and grey filled with damp light
encased in wet fibrous darkness heavy thickness like the skin of a nut
softer and more impenetrable like rubber balls of loss
sinking teeth into indelible mushrooms sowing lines of tissue into my gut
that I will never get through as if the heart held tender morsels
thickening my veins with the stench of my own desire

I feel like this when I watch you careening through the last lanes
of your life treating women not like trophies
but like trophy stands for you to place all fear upon
to stand there gazing into her wisdom her beauty
because what is left of yours you refuse to recognize
your upswept bangs parting in the middle
like a swirl of butch femme butterscotch decay lovely in its abysmal winsome charm

follicles lie there in that morseled coif of hairy hearts
rich with the dense beauty of cholesterol and ache           
as you listen to her sing and sing she does                       
there is nothing that is not beautiful in this love dirge barely reaching me 
through chasms of my own indecisive wiles                       
will never know what you’re feeling about life and love           
because I ran from it before its teeth sunk into mine                                                            

having recognized the clutch of dearth too early            
having decided as a very small child to forsake familial maturity for                       
a toddlers brand of crib spent pain so here we are                       
diapered on the strip for one last race teardrops growing in our guts
throbbing grey and filled with light encased in damp fibrous heaven
thick and dank like skinned nuts soft impenetrable rubber balls
tossing into loss fulsome dentures sinking

through indelible choral mushrooms we sow and sow and sow and sow
and smile and smile and smile and smile lazy laugh lines of tissue
laced into blood floppy ribs we will never saw through           
when pumped up hearts hold tender morsels           
thickening our veins drenching flapjacks and champagne
in first world angst with the lovely lurid scent            
wafting through well hung arias of tremoring desire

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